Ashes 2004

MCC v Munich Aussies

Episode XII, August 7th 2004

MCC REGAIN ASHES

MCC regained the Munich Ashes (2004 version) with a startling stuffage of the Munich Australians who suffered a severe skittlage – all out for a paltry total of 42.

After cleverly losing the toss The Power and his team of relatively fit and able men were invited to take to the field in stinking hot conditions by the Aussie skipper Blades. Everyone apparently knew that ‘you always win batting first in Munich’.

The Power took the new cherry with Dan ‘Marino’ Sear and did not have to wait too long for early breakthroughs. Power removing Carr’s timbers with a pearler and Mcgree falling to a Sear’s five card trick holing out to VD in the deep – attempting a not so quiet pull. This set the wheels of impending doom well into motion at the very earliest of doors.

New batsmen Todd Hooligan and Kev ‘Rabble’ Bartholomew were then involved in a reasonably bizarre incident during VD’s opening over (without prayer mat). Todd had been hit on the pad by an inswinger from VD. Todd was called through for a single that never was by Kev. Despite being as quick as Cathy Freeman between the wickets Kev B was never going to beat MCC’S keeper Gary Edwards’ throw. MCC celebrated the run out only for Todd (somewhat belatedly?) to be sent on his way LBW by neutral umpire Weatherall.

Another lbw decision (Roberts) followed next ball as VD found himself on a hat-trick in a reasonable start to his spell and seasonal debut.

Late call-up Bostock became increasingly chirpy at this stage and was apparently getting under the Aussie skins.

Last year’s Aussie saviours Jules Kann and Kev were thus asked to perform the same miracle again and rebuild a crumbling innings.

However Kev B was then dismissed getting something on a attempted swipe off Gale’s very nude military mediums – a fine diving sprawl by the cat (swipe) Edwards taking it left handed diving forward like he was grovelling for a bud on the floor.

Jules Kann was then unfortunately run out, being sent back by a much fitter, quicker and younger man. Cider Edwards again excelling grabbing a good take off an errant throw as Jules tried to scramble back ultimately to no avail.

Tony Blades was undone by a Sembi dart as the pressure intensified, bowled off a slight inside edge.

Larry Holmes was caught down at fine leg by Big Dougie Giles, swooping like a Marlboro smoking gazelle to take a fine catch off a toppish edge.

Lovell even got into the act by swallowing one in the water bed at 1st slip to remove Robbo off Gale – who had just seen two go down off his bowling to prolong Harry’s agonising stay of execution at the crease.

Glig looked resplendent in his Jesus mane but was then gimpishly stumped by Edwards off Sembi to end proceedings early doors. Harry top scored with an unbeaten 12 as the Aussies were removed for just 42 in the 24th over.

A committed bowling performance from MCC who were barely punished for a few dropped chances and applied themselves very well in the stifling heat.

After the tea break Lovell and Giles set about ‘quickly’ reaching the imposing Aussie target. The Aussies battled well throughout with some typically good bowling by Kann, Blades, Quietman and the Gimp but basically they were up shit creek without a paddle after only scoring 42.

Lovell looked at ease, top scoring with a massive 13 before Blades (lucky b@stard) took a fine catch off Mcgree, grabbing one a cigarette paper off the deck at gully.

Parry also looked at home before wisely deciding to run himself out to get back into the closed picnic circle of pimms and plums with the outlaws.

Sembi tried to finish the job even earlier doors, a few lusty blows before he too fell to a fine catch from the Blades who was seemingly ‘on fire’, off the Gimp’s newfound naked slower ball.

Sembi Sloggage
Dan Sear and that man Giles applied the last rites as MCC coasted home to win by 7 wickets to regain the Ashes in rapid fashion.

Umpire David Weatherall
Scorer Mark Hamilton
Teas Farmer Gale / Muzza
Keggage x 2 Desmond Forscher Bradley

Ashes ScoreCard 2004

Australians won the toss and elected to bat first – 40 overs a side.

Aussies Batting
McGree c Van D bowled Sear 2
Carr bowled Power 4
Houlihan LBW Van D 4
Bartholomew c Edwards bowled Gale 6
Roberts LBW Van D 0
Kann Run Out 5
Khanna Not Out 12
Blades bowled Appavu 0
Robertson c Lovell bowled Gale 0
Holmes c Giles bowled Gale 0
Gligorov st Edwards bowled Appavu 0

Extras 9 Total 42 all out

MCC Bowling
Bowler O M R W
Power 5 1 10 1
Sear 4 2 8 1
Van Damage 4 0 11 2
Gale 8 5 3 3
Sembian 4 1 9 2

MCC Batting

Giles Not Out 8
Lovell c Blades bowled McGree 13
Parry Run Out 9
Appavu c Blades bowled Gligorov 8
Sear Not Out 5
Gale, Van D, Edwards, Bostock, Power, Pyke DNB

Extras 3 Total 46-3

Aussie Bowling
Bowler O M R W
Kann 6 2 11 1
Blades 4 1 5 0
McGree 5 1 18 1
Gligorov Gimp 3.3 0 12 1
Resultage – MCC WON BY 7 WICKETS

THE ASHES AFTERMATH

After the impromptu early finish to proceedings MCC Chairman Bradley decided enough was enough and with ultra-gay abandon got involved in his favourite drop from the Forschungsbrauerei. Cynics soon even insisted that the camouflaged short wearing warrior Bradley had for once got it right and indeed so it proved to be an inspired decision. It went down very well apparently, according to Sembian.

Prizegiving was marred by Gale’s lack of speech having been named man of the match for 2004 following figures of 3-3 off his 8 overs. The broken cup was handed over to captain Power who made a graceful/grateful acceptance speech, followed by Blades in some typical raw dinky dye language who bemoaned the Aussie total.

Captain Steve – Trophieage
The barrels were finished, the ground was cleared up (by the usual saintly souls – THANKYOU!) and the massed ranks headed off to the Chinese Tower to prolong the balmy evening’s entertainment.

It was heavy going and very tiring work, so much so that mssrs Lepani, Hooligan and Gale found the going too much to bear and had to rest their weary eyes at various stages.

There was a Hawaiian shirt comp between Lovell and Kev B that obviously the Aussie copycat failed to win. No one likes anyone who tries too hard.

Bianka Gales pasta came in handy as a late tea was taken around midnight as the light was beginning to fail under the Tower. A roaring trade was done in MCC retro jackets, T-shirts and Mushrooms.

Retro tops as advertised by Finch (Rusty in the background).
Proud new fathers Blades and Pryke showed off their pride and joy to the assembled ogling masses. The Starkbier radler became the ‘drink of choice’ for some naïve souls in need of saviour. Finally the Tour d’Isar took place around 1am with Lovell easily winning the yellow jersey from Edwards and Hooligan despite only having 3 gears, sciatica and a gammy leg. All in all a cracking time. Thanks to all. See you next year!

Other Photos

Dan Marino Front Footage

Moo and Holmes boxed up

Gimpage. Fact.