MCC stays in Bundesliga (20 Jun 2019)

Of all the English language’s most welcome word pairings, including “cut price”,  “extra strength” and “insufficient evidence”, the one most like to raise a smile among MCC folks might just be “Philipp Bowes”. So joy welled in more than a few bleary eyes when dear ol‘ Phil celebrated his birthday at the Hirsch. Happy 68th birthday, mate! Good on ya!

Parallel to the main event, another decider event was being organised at the Hirsch, 40 over league between the MCC and Serendib (SSC). With mercury oozing out of many thermometers that noon, coupled with MCC doning ever so popular black clothings for the game, the home captain decided to bat first after winning the toss. The plan was rather simple, as the skip explained, save the best for the last. He wanted to save the sight of 11 men wearing Batman suit in the open till the last part of the afternoon.

Wayne and Vishv went in to face the opening bowlers. Vishv being hot on the heals of not getting much done lately, continued the streak and perished after playing a few decent drives. Wayne at the other end was clobbering the bowlers to every sector of the ground. MCC were 40 after 8 overs when the first wicket fell. Macca came and went before anyone had a chance to breathe. The game spun into a broadway afterwards, with Bazza reenecting scenes from “One flew over the cuckoo’s nest”, and the umpire delivering an academy award winning performance for his role as “Nurse Ratched”. JD won the best supporting actor award for playing Adam Gilchrist in a totally unrelated incident. Intermission – 80/4 after 20 overs.

Second half of the innings began with captain Varun spanking the first ball for 4. After Wayne’s dismissal, Varun took the game by the scruff of the neck and scored a legendary 64. Getting flogged and whipped seemed to be the new in for the bowlers with him at the crease. Massive contributions from Nav and Mishi, running like monks to save themselves from horny nuns, conceiving any non existing singles into multiple runs.[1]

MCC ended the innings with 198/8 after 40 overs, leaving the opposition barbecued under the scorching sun.

Morally depleted SSC came in to bat against a morally augmented bowling and fielding attack. Some like it hot stars Waqas and Mishi began the onslaught with sweltering pace and sizzling lines and lengths. Mishi nicked both the opening batsmen with his in and out-swingers, dismantling their off-stumps in both cases. Smooth operator had their number 3 batsman smartly caught at point, with Macca taking a smart catch. Khan Ali, though hit Mishi for a six, was set up skillfully by the captain with his new field. He took the bait a few balls later to sky one into the air, with Wayne judging the catch to perfection.

SSC captain Milan came in at number 6 with little plan but to be aggressive save his head from flying off against the knife sharp bouncers. He got a few hard earned runs while snicking the balls masterly over the stranded slip cordon. Finally deciding to attack, he swept one off Adi’s for six over cow corner straight down Mishi’s throat. Nav and Mishi are hellbent on making every captain’s dream come true by making fielding look so effortless. Half the SSC’s batsmen got caught , half of them had their stumps uprooted, rest of them were lucky enough not to be playing. Good job by Macca in the end, who was asked to bowl spin by the captain, for wrapping up the tailenders. Special shout to Imti, Bazza, JD, Adi and Nav too for getting their bits and bobs during the field correct.

Serendib were all out 73 in just 19 overs, left some bowlers unnoticed the reason they didn’t get to bowl.

Match celebrations began with a bottle of champagne in the dressing room. Everyone had a toast to the enthralling victory, encapsulating every bit of emotion, that MCC is slowly but surely realizing it’s vast potential. It was a fitting birthday gift for Phil, who had been left disappointed so many times with our team performances, whose devotion to the club exemplifies what it means to be a part of a club like ours. Happy birthday mate, good on ya! Jonty joined in with his new trousers, so did sexy Mäxi with his new bir…erhh… acquaintance. It was nice to see one MCC family being merry in unison.

Players of the day

  • Phil, for not being 27 anymore. Happy birthday mate, good on ya!
  • Wembo, for diligently getting the MCC furniture refurbished over the last few weeks. And keeping us all entertained with his trombone.
  • Varun, for another captain’s knock, hardly any words in my thesouaouareous to describe.
  • Mishi, for not bowling against MCC this season. His scintillating performance on the day involved taking three wickets and grabbing two catches at the boundary. He is adjudged Man of the Match for his efforts. Congrats![2]

Quotes of the day:

  • “Could you walk a bit faster old woman?”, Wayne’s words of wisdom to SSC’s square leg umpire having a walkabout in between the overs.
  • “Happy birthday dear Philipp”, everyone.
  • ”                                                                 “, said Usman when enquired about his travel plans for the friendly game in Freiburg.
  • “aaaaaahhhh aaaahhhhhhhh aahhh”, chirped some absolute legend getting fellated at the Hirsch after the game.
  • “That’s all folks!”, me.

[1] It’s the only rhyme in this report.
[2] I write congrats because I struggle to spell conrajulashins correctly.