Nottingham celebrates as Broad`s record is equalled in Kirchanschöring (20 May 2017)

The feisty atmosphere in the town centre of Nottingham reached even dizzier heights requiring two bouncers to be in position at the door of every pub when the news spread that, thanks to the efforts of Phil Bowes, Stuart Broad no longer reigned supreme as the only Englishman to suffer from the 36 run syndrome. Our correspondent Craig – the man they cannot stump – Barrett reports:

It was a bright Saturday morning in Munich and the undefeated MCC II were heading into new territory full of optimism for the club’s first ever zweikampf with Kirchanschöring CC. The game would be played in the small village of Petting (turn left at Titting and through the lights at Fucking), due to the unavailability of the home team’s usual ground.

Due to a lack of vehicles, MCC were making their way to the ground through a multitude of luxury SUV, BOB train, taxi and sporty little Mazda. The sporty little Mazda setting off 45 minutes late due to Sandhu forgetting to set an alarm; Captain Barrett was less than impressed, but 75 apologies, a stern word, a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken and a bout of forgiveness later, they finally set off.

The BOB Train Crew were the first to arrive, somehow followed by the sporty little Mazda. Chauffeur Bhat, choosing to make the most of his time in the luxury SUV no doubt.

Upon arrival, all were pleasantly surprised by the facility. Excellent changing rooms and even a Tuck Shop were present, plenty of spectators too. The locals seemingly intrigued by this bizarre alien sport called “Grille”. However, not all was rosy, with building work adjacent to the field encroaching onto the outfield on one side, making areas dangerous and impossible to run. Nevertheless, MCC had come a long way and were keen to play.

MCC won the toss and elected to field, Barrett explaining that he did not know what to expect neither from the pitch nor from the opposition, therefore it would be safer to have a look first, all were in agreement. 8 balls into the match, as a good length ball from Bhatia sailed over the boundary, the clubhouse, the road and landed 15 metres into the field, Barrett was wondering whether it was such a good idea…

Boundary, followed boundary, followed boundary as Sami Ullah caressed almost everything thrown at him over the ropes, bringing his chanceless, effortless hundred up in the 12th over. He was ably supported throughout by Waheed Ahmed. Sami finally gave a chance with his score on 178 in the 18th over when Bowes dropped a difficult catch at long off after the ball was drilled flat out of the middle of the bat. Sami hit the next ball for six and then he was finally dismissed the following ball with the first shot he miscued, Barrett (mercifully for MCC) holding onto the catch at deep midwicket off Maiwand Khan. Khan, who had bowled quick and accurate, fully deserving of the wicket. MCC finally had the breakthrough with the score on 277. One of the finest innings you will ever see in club cricket. 184, from 39 scoring shots, 27 sixes (including 6 in one over), 3 fours, and not a single slog amongst them.

As so often happens in cricket, one brought two and Waheed Ahmed, who’s excellent 61 was unfortunately overshadowed by Sami’s antics, was bowled by Khan just 4 runs later.

With such a large total already, plenty of wickets in hand, a good batting pitch and a small ground, the Kirchanschöring batsmen decided to make hay. Mohamed Kashif scored a brisk 42 before being caught and bowled by Barrett. Shair Ullah contributed with 35 before being bamboozled by Sestan and the wickets and sixes continued before Kirchanschöring were all out for 420 from 33 overs. If not a BCV league record, surely not far off? In total, the innings included 41 sixes.

MCC’s reply was kicked off by Barrett and Bowes, Bowes declaring, “I’m just going to swing” and considering the circumstances, a fair attitude! True to his word, Bowes clouted a six (the 42nd of the match) and a four in the opening over, these, coupled with a pair of singles and a wide meant MCC were well ahead of the required run rate at the end of the first over. Unfortunately, Bowes fell on his sword for 11 in the second over and it all came crashing down from there… Bhat failed to trouble the scorers after being outrageously caught at square leg for a golden one by Inspector Gadget. Otmankhil (6) followed soon after before Barrett was run out for a circumspect 10 after Sandhu deflected the ball down to fine leg and despite the loud and clear “YEEEESSSSS!!!!” from his partner, decided the best thing to do was to watch the ball and stand his ground. The kind of run out that summed up MCC’s day. Sandhu, presumably still dazed from the nasty cut inflicted on his chin by the grill of the helmet as he tripped trying to make his ground the previous ball. Thankfully no serious damage was done.

Sandhu battled on to finish second top score with 13 behind Wides (16) and the remainder of the innings was a procession towards the inevitable trouncing. Bhatia offered a little resistance with 10, Gattinger added just a single and the last two Ahmad and Khan each added to the duck race, the not out man Giles was staunch in defence for his 2 not out from 20 balls. The final total a paltry 72 all out.

Frankly the worst defeat imaginable. A total thrashing.

The match in numbers:

420 – the number of runs scored by Kirchanschöring.

348 – the number of runs by which MCC lost.

42 – the number of sixes hit in the match.

1 – the number of sixes hit by MCC.

3 – the number of MCC ducks.

16 – the number of wides bowled by Kirchanschöring (MCC’s top score).

36 – the number of runs conceded off Phil’s second over.

 

MCC Man of the Match: Maiwand Khan for accurate fast bowling, 3 wickets and by far the best economy rate of the MCC bowlers.

Champagne moment: Barrett taking the catch to dismiss Sami Ullah.

Quote of the day: “I just don’t know where to bowl to him!!” – Phil Bowes as the 4th six of the over sailed into the adjacent building site, again!

Thanks for Coming award: Rahul Bhat (sorry Rahul!)