MCC Winners Piss Tour
Zuoz International Cricket Festival Switzerland
21-22 June 2008
Back row left to right: Rob Shaw, Paul Scott, Ross Northover, Tony Blades, Mike Wilson, Heather Myers (Scorer), Grant Algar, Majid Rabbani
Front row left to right: Alex Gale, Angus Furlonger, Mark Lovell (c), Daniel Weston (v c), Luke Sobek (Tour Manager), Richard Clare, Mark Palfrey
Munich CC (Germany)
Basel CC (Switzerland)
Winterthur CC (Switzerland)
Idle CC (Italy)
Milan CC (Italy)
Campbell Invitation Eleven (England)
Schmock XI (Germany)
With the usual motley crew assembled a four-pronged attack was lined up as the MCC sought to make inroads on the Swiss Mountains for the annual tour of Zuoz. The Hot Dog Van carried the bulk of players from Leopoldstrasse with Algar, Lovo, Gus, Tones, Westy, Majid, Luke (Driver) and Rob who arrived just in time by taxi just as the Doggy was pulling away.
A sensible car also left Munich around the same time with Ross ‘subs now paid’ Northover taking Heather (our fine lady with the book), Clare who apparently was looking to avoid the delights of a potential Dutch Oven and ‘jumpers’ Scott with keg taking up the back seat. The late car departed Italian Job style with the ‘bloody doors on’ in Palfrey’s mini with Gale and 2pot Bolder as passengers. Gilo made his own merry way down in the style of Barry Sheene resplendent in his green motorcycling overalls.
Meanwhile back in the tranny van Algar naively decided to sit up top and act as co-driver. He was unable to play DJ iPod as Lovo, who usually gets what he wants, bellowed instructions from the rear, Gary who? A first ‘Bolder’ like incident/disaster was literally only a couple of hours away as the tranny van got stuck behind a Norwegian Camper van and ‘drives’ Sobek had to ride the brakes downhill for an extended period. This was unfortunately only noticed when toxic fumes were being inhaled for about 15mins. Serious smokage of the brake pads ensued which were crackling with the abuse. Burn baby burn. There is no strength in the scandalous rumour that Sobek was driving with the handbreak on. After a prolonged pit stop the tranny van was however deemed to fit to resume its innings.
After border controls were safely negotiated the Dutch Oven was soon created with Blades looking to grace the MCC garden once again. Maybe this was out of nerves after avoiding near death and said toxic fumes. But the edge definitely needed to be taken off. Even Weston admitted as much.It did not take Tones long to stamp on his authority on the tour with the Queenslander soon in full flow. “I tell ya, they’re all fckin rugby league lovin rednecks in Australia, with their fluffy dice and spoilers”. Strewth Tones. After safe arrival in Zuoz for all parties and check in into the Convict and allocation of room keys, we proceeded to the Dorta – Lovo and Sobek wearing the latest MCC attire – Bumble Bee Dart Shirts. With splinter groups already forming, a few faded left to get straight on the piss in the pub and watch the footy whilst the majority snap-hooked right for a good hearty meal followed by a more traditional piss-up. Some retired to sleep early Lovo (wagon) Westy (due), Bolder (cotton wool), Rob (con call), Heather (pencil sharpening), Ross (jet lag). Bolder’s good intention of getting an early night however was soon doomed to failure after the self-appointed Tour Manager Sobers had provided him with duff logistical info – ‘Mike it is DEFINITELY Room 205!!’ – 2pot spending a restless night on the convict couch and awaking with a stiff………neck. The usual suspects stayed late doors at the Dorta pub and then retired to the Convict to play fast cars with Tones and his gear.
The following morning saw few early risers with most attempting to shake off Swiss p1ss-induced hangovers. 2pot also being particularly bitter at his lack of sleep and demanding a refund from the Tour Mgr for his restless night. The hot ball/cold ball draw scenario took place at 9.15 am and we found ourselves up against the Campbell Invitational XI from London on the Tea Bag Pitch No4. With the game not due to start until 9.45 am, the team members had a quick net confident of starting the Fest with a good performance and a likely afternoon semi-final against Winterthur or Lodi. It was not long before the 12th man Bolder nearly put himself out of the tournament (again). The netting Weston (batting three) cracked a throw down back onto the Kiwi’s shin which soon created a front calf/massive boil/bunyon.
Game 1 – Quarter Final
MCC lost the toss so no surprise there. Palfers and Lovo got the team off to a good start racking up 48 for the first wicket before Lovell fell to dehydration sulkily blaming his wicket on lack of water and the lack of a top on his errant bottle. Alan harshly on the end of this tirade. Palfrey hit a sublime 103 his second century of the season, the first for the club (the other was for the AnzacSaffers – a team no doubt Blades would love to have graced too). The only controversy for the Tasmanian was a claimed catch which apparently was clearly over the boundary according to a few honest onlookers. Clare sporting a new Louisville Lip from a recent hospital visit hit a maiden 50 in a partnership of 91 with Palfrey. MCC posted a solid 232-6 on the smallest of postage stamps.
Onto the bowling and the early breakthrough was made by Scotty only for the loudest of nicks not to be heard by the Dusch umpire. Soon after this the big Geordie’s tour was zu Ende as he picked up a groin injury or similar and was subbed for our already injured 12th man – Bolder. It looked like the game would be a close contest at 79-2 until Gale turned after taking an excellent caught and bowled from their danger batsman. ”See you fvcking later!” bellowed Moo Gale, who was told quickly to apologise by the skipper and shocked umpire – the apology was about as sincere as the captains previous week (after throwing opposition bat 50 yards) At the other end Clare took another three quick sticks and put the game to bed so the skipper turned to Golden Arm Sobers to steam through the last 3 wickets. Ross, not reading the script, dropped the first ball of the hat-trick. Sobek, thinking he would never get a batsman of that calibre again, soon lost his head and asked to be taken off. The skipper knowing best told him to take one more. The reward soon followed when Westy took a catch on the boundary off the last remaining batsman of some calibre. Clare then picked up the two remaining bunnies – ”Did you ever bowl a straight one” -taking middle hob out on both occasions for his first ever ‘Michelle’ for the club to go alongside his maiden 50.
MCC Man of The Match – Mark ‘Sergeant Pepper’ Plafrey
QUARTER FINAL SCORECARD
Game 2 – Semi Final
Onto the semi-final v Winterthur and Bolder was made to sweat for his place being subjected to a lunch time net to prove his elusive fitness. Managing to hide the limp he was duly selected. Those acting lessons worked. MCC won a rare toss and elected to bat first. Winterthur had just come through a close run semi versus the Italians from Lodi. Another good batting performance with the Zuoz freak that is Gale top scoring with 64. There was good support in valuable partnerships all through the batting list. Grunter Algar (30) and Due Weston (26) put on 41 for the 3rd wkt. Lovell and Gale put on 51 for the 5th wkt. Doug and Angus (Chris Cans) made valuable late runs as MCC closed on 213-8 off 30 overs.
Winterthur were starting to threaten our target when the hurricane Gale returned to star with the ball. This included a fine catch running back into the force nine Swiss swirler off his own bowling to remove arguably their best batsmen. There was also a fine stumping from the Perth P1 Glovesman Weston and possibly another one that the Yorkshire umpire ‘praps couldnt see’ from his vantage point asleep on the square leg fence. MCC were rather in a hurry to finish the match as the keg had already been violated by brothers Scott and Shaw. Alas it went the full distance as Palfrey decided he didn’t have to field properly after scoring a ton in the first game – belly flopping towards a lobbed catch on the boundary. Winterthur batted out to finish 28 runs short on 185-6 off their full allocation. Gale was seen taking trainers off with one ball remaining muttering job done – ‘winners p1ss’
MCC Man of The Match – Gale – Suspended ban
SEMI FINAL SCORECARD
Post Semi Final
Jubilation at winning and the MCC savoured their victory ploughing into Scotty’s self-cooling keg. Sobek let himself down somewhat rather naively criticising the still present Yorkshire umpire whilst stood next to him. He quickly made a dash for his golf clubs, having earlier completing a round on the tightest of tight courses during the semi-final. He invited Algar and Lovo to a long drive competition. Duly won by Algar who planted a ball high onto the mountain faced. Face. Facedbook. Looking to further refuel the team went for the now traditional Saturday night Pizza (Alan and Gilo absent – Euro 2008). The only issue this year was MCC seemed to be somewhat geographically challenged and had serious trouble locating it until the Italian chef (out on a smoke break) told them exactly where it was pronto.
A quick nosebag in time to catch the later part of the last quarter final – good old Ruskis beat the dirty Dusch. Westy smuggled in his own Bourbon train. Dastardly. With the final to come the normalos again started to drift off in drib and drabs. This included Shaw and Weston who despite some admirable early spadework were unable to break the will of the 11pm Russian jailbait curfew crew. The usual suspects remained to play darts but the large group of Saffer bouncers wedged in the corner were most unwilling to relinquish control of the board. We did not have a large enough firm there to do any damage – ‘Where’s your tool?’ More pointless drinking ensued (MCC drinking culture) before a leisurely stroll back to the Convict where a nameless trio were last seen in an egg bowling competition. Allegedly one of them was later witnessed suffering 6am puke in the toilet but the unreliable witness (a canted Campbell XI player) was probably having trouble distinguishing orifices.
Game 3 – Final
MCC won the toss, two in a row. Unchartered waters.
On the previous two Zuoz visits we had been comprehensively stuffed by the same opponents after MCC batted first. So Captain Lovell decided to ignore all known cricketing logic and we asked Basel to bat first in the morning dew.
Rob Shaw was all set to step into the side for the final but had to bail after the final XI was announced due to corporate monkey commitments. Ross stepped up to fill void as Giles had an insect bite on his eye and Sobek was asleep after certain early morning activity. A good opening spell from Blades and Algar put pressure on the opening pair. Algar snared the first wicket with an excellent catch from Westy behind stumps (see video link below). Good bowling from everyone especially Algar’s second spell (3-16) as MCC restricted Basel Fawlty to 151 all out off 30overs. There were three excellent catches too for Weston whose keeping all tournament was like Harrods but his batting more like Lidl.
In reply MCC lost two quick wickets with Palfers and Westy going cheaply. Lovo knocked up a leisurely 20 supported by Angus with a well made 19. Clare chipped in with the top score of 42 to go with his 3 sticks. Wilson and Clare Rich putting on a valuable 46 for the 6th wkt as it became sweaty palms or even squeaky bum time.
Edging closer to the target wickets began to fall despite Alans insistence to keep calm. Enter Blades on his comeback for the club at no 10 (Maggies Den) with 8 needed of 2 overs. With the vocal little wicket keeper in his ear asking “Let`s see who’s got the bottle now?” Gale (21*) was still at the crease though and still in his longsleeve sweater as he was all weekend. Replacement tent.
With 4 still needed of the last over Tones hit a streaky leg side two which we all thought was going for the winning runs. Three dot balls followed as Tony swung like a rusty gate. It was now 2 off 2 required. On the penultimate ball Blades swung and missed again and Little Miss Gobby was nutmegged behind the stumps as the ball stayed low and crashed onto the Helmut for five bizarre penalty runs. Couldnt have scripted it Richie. Marvellous.
The MCC won by two wickets 155-8 of 29.5 overs including 5 penalty runs off the Helmut Hoflehner
MCC Man of The Match Clare Rich
The successful MCC skipper Mark Lovell picked up the trophy again from the departing school Gamesmaster – George Campbell who has been an excellent host for the last few seasons. We wish him well. MCC were last seen heading back for fresh cans to celebrate the journey home – Winner’s Piss.
Man of the Tournament – Richard E Clare LIP
MCC win Zuoz for third time after 2001, 2003 and now 2008.
Munich Cricket Club v Basel – Winning Delivery.
Munich Cricket Club v Basel – ct Weston b Algar.
Munich Cricket Club v Basel – Blades LBW Shout.
The draw will be held at 9.15 on Saturday 21st.
The tournament starts promptly on Saturday at 9.30 am.
All matches will be of 30 overs per innings, with a maximum of 6 overs per bowler.
The four winning teams from the Saturday morning will go through to the winners’ competition for positions 1-4 on Saturday afternoon and Sunday. The losing teams from Saturday morning play off for positions 5-8.
The games on Sunday will start at 10.00am.
Both sides should provide a scorer.
The fielding side provides their own ball. (must be a 4 piece cricket ball)
No spiked shoes are to be worn on the cricket pitches.