Zuoz 2007

Zuoz – the two pot screamer tour 2007.

It was a pleasant tour despite the usual hiccups/disasters/carnage. After all the moist weather en route in the camper van it was pleasant to see the sun had got his hat on come Saturday sparrow. This journey included the now infamous Bob Bolder incident. Mitch will never be the same player again but the swift pit stop and changing of tyre will have impressed Mcclaren scouts.

The long awaited draw for the opening game brought the inevitable conclusion – MCC were to play Deutschland u19s. After a few negative comments the players got their game faces on and busied themselves with Westy’s warm-up apart from the skipper who mulled over the vagaries of the toss.Lovell had no hesitation after winning the toss in electing to bat first.

All games were fixed at 30overs with 6 max per bowler. MCC looked a fit and refreshed bunch compared to previous tours. Some wild bowling early on meant the skipper and Daniel eased their way into affairs stroking a 122 run partnership in their first partnership together. Westy was not overly fluent early doors – being outscored by the skipper – possibly an indication of this. The mid-innings break at 15overs gave zee Germans an opportunity to re-group. The spinners were brought on and MCC did not really kick on in the face of some tight bowling with Weston falling for 37.

Lovell continued to prosper until finally being castled jaded for 77. Dunne (good bloke) 3rd top scored with some lusty blows in his 19. Dribs and drabs from the others. MCC finishing with 175, a par score from 30overs. Basics.

A keyed up MCC bowling attack took to the field and Glig got amongst them with 3 early wkts as ze Germans subsided early doors. Scott tied up the other end. A period of consolidation ensued with the German spielfuehrer Kashif batting well looked like making the game close. But Lovelli was able to rotate the bowler and set tactical fields as zee Germans succumbed to scoreboard pressure.

Anton Blades (3-10) and McGree, Mitch and Gale with a wkt apiece put an end to proceedings. A most convincing win for MCC. The only obvious p1sser was Mike Wilson’s injury. Bowling left arm over he turned his ankle in the ropy run ups and it soon swelled up alarmingly. That put him out of the tournament despite extensive (i.e. +2pot attempts) at Forschungsbrauerei blood doping throughout the weekend.

Mcc had played well but as later transpired had peaked too soon and came way too early. Matron. Vicar.
After some lunch/BBQ/liquids Lodi were the next opponents in the semi – a team against whom the MCC had a good record over the years.

Mcc won the toss (again) and took first use of Pitch nr 1, Lovell dropping down the order to protect a rib. Mitch was promoted to open – looking to get back on the horse. An opening bowler ringer from England cleaned him out in the same fashion as the first innings – having taken one on the body the ball b4.McGree was shoddily run out and Lovell played all around a straight one. Mr Gharles was called on to steady the ship and this he did with Westy batting with grace and aplomb.
Westy’s demise for 60 soon after the mid-innings break meant that MCC were in danger of not scoring enough runs. Despite a useful partnership of dreizig by Blades and Gale, MCC finished with a paltry 134 from their allocation. Not even a comedy Sobek double hit to the fence could alter the paltriness of affairs.

So not enough runs but still clinging to the vague hope of bowling out the opposition. After 3 early wkts (another two for the gimp) and a brilliant run out by wunderkind Mitch the game was back in the melting pot. And then it quickly disappeared as some cowboy hitting took the game away on the short boundaries. Game over. Mcc apparently hadn’t scored enough runs and lost convincingly in the end. A visibly jaded MCC took to the field for the Sunday morning game v Basle struggling to lift spirits or run off the effect of them and something similar.

MCC won the toss and batted again zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Westy was run out despite a full length Ian Thorpe dive. Blades batted well and then succumbed to a loose shot when in sight of a bobby sand of runs for the club. Mitch (33) was solid and scored his first runs of the tour. Gale mowed his merry MOO way to an unbeaten 59 in good partnerships with Dunne and Scott. Mcc finished on 157, a nothing score in a nothing game.

Mcc bowlers got pounded with only partially Scott escaping the long handle. The gimp picked up another 2 poles to finish top wkt taker. Basle coasted to victory which was good as there were still lots of Augustiner to finish from the well, those that were remaining that is – after about a dozen had been taxed/tea leafed.
Scorecard Zuoz
Gale’s factual synopsis of Zuoz tour

Lovell

Captain of Life. Models himself on Fredalo with dark glasses hiding his p1ss holes in the snow. Match winning knock of 77 and tactical genius 1st match. Injured/Jaded thereafter.

Westy

Great keeping. Jack Russell in his prime. Already (almost) the best bat in the club behind Lovell and VD. Majestic 60 in the semis b4 throwing wkt away, unably supported by the rest of the MCC clowns. Needs to work on the Après side of the game, will come with time. Enjoyed the drive back via Dubai with pinhead 4th wheel. Also enjoys run out decisions by limping umpires.

Mitch Ryan

Club mascot. Not impressed by older, more mature members antics. 2 blobs spoilt his first overseas tour forcing him home early with a cup of cocoa instead of Tegernsee Helles. Good convincing knock 3rd day despite running MCCs best bat out. Harsh and unfair. Cracking run out in the Semi giving the MCC a sniff of victory. Sniff.

Glig

Star bowler with 8 sticks. Came closest with international jailbait. Started up own poker club in the Dorta. www.pokerjailbait.ch. Successfully arranged pick up of new Davos racing wheel. Gimp. Continually let himself with bizarre wkt celebrations.

Brendan

When not pining over the Frau, he worked on corporate monkey issues.

Apparently unfortunate not to bowl in Semis, forgot his sunglasses in the field. Promising starts with the bat evolved into meaningless caveman shots. Slugfest. By all accounts a good bloke.

Bail

Forgot passport. Basics. Jagermeister. Last in first up. Pitiful bowling display and refusal to attempt a 5 meter high rocket catch on the boundary. Should have jumped. Marginal amends in pointless final day with a 59 no resembling the clubbing of seals. Successful completion of remarkable UK all-comers Swiss record for 51 hours non-stop in long sleeve MCC woollen garment. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=clubbing+seals

Blades

Lived up to his brief as quiet, unassuming Queenslander. Was so lovely to see everyone in the Dorta. Chipped his way to a bee’s dick away from MCC 1000 runs. When he wasn’t Gordon Greenidge he was drinking a beer. Vice versa. Enjoyed recounting previous Clingfilm boy & Eccy 3some jaunts. Ably supported his Gimp prodigy in the bowling.

Has vowed to fly back from Gabba for Zuoz 2008.

Dev badly

Enjoyed the Tour de Muenchen prior to zuoz departure. 1hr detour to Forschingsbrauerei improved his general demeanour. Refused to drive the bus in order to get faced on the way down. Loved sharing the oven with Tones at the Swiss border. Forever the Richter, looking forward to dcb finals with Todd and Jack Jones.

Sobek

Great Bristol accent – have a buzz – don’t go silly. Unfortunately he did. Driving almost made up for his batting, double hit tarnished an otherwise spotless reputation. Ball deep. Great match winning catch against zee Germans. Jugs. Juggleage. Due a run. Any sort of run. Main candidate to overtake Wilson as the clubs new two potter.

Wilson

2 pot screamer. Ironic that he really wants to work here. Unfortunate ankle injury against U19s cost him and the club a place in the final. Selfish. Boulder bash driving cost car II several hours. Unluckiest bloke on tour. http://www.lfchistory.net/player_profile.asp?player_id=499

McGree & Sav

Inseparable during the tour. Wisely so. Strangely chose to drive via Vaduz, allegedly for lunch… Unlucky on the batting front, faultless on the field. Cracked open a romantic bottle of cheeky red 4am Sunday morning. Class. Dubious running between wkts.

Doug

Mr Gharles. Stabilising innings in farcical semi final. Batted well last game. PJs/Bike underwear the height of Swiss fashion. Castello man, enjoyed his olive pizza, as much as Wilson did. Went big 1st night never really recovered. Gutted at the quality of Swiss ale and cost of Dev’s quadruple Weinschorle.

Paul Scott

Arrived in early hours from his new corp. monkey position. Big hands. A yard too quick for the cowboys, not enough smell de leather balls. Separate car hire via LJ. Arrived late Friday but still hit

the 10 pint mark before driving home. Good partnership with Bail final match, front foot and backlift. Howay the lads. Very unlucky bowler. Glig should start playing cards against him.

TOUR KEYWORDS A – Z

A – ALAN

B – BAIT, BAIL, BOULDER

C – CUNTED, CLINGFILM, COWBOY, CORPORATE,

D – DEV, DAVOS, DORM, DORTA, DOUBLE-HIT

E – ECCIES

F – FORSCHUNGSBRAUEREI, FACED

G- (MR) GHARLES, GOIN THE DISTANCE

H- HARRY DOES A LOT FOR THIS CLUB

I- IRONY DOESN’T WORK HERE

J- JAILBAIT, JUGS, JUGGLAGE, JAGERMEISTER, JADED

K – KUNTED

L- LOVELY TO SEE YOU, LIPS

M- (MR) GHARLES, MITCH, MOO

N- NAIVE

O- (FCKIN) OATH, OLIVES

P- PODS, PAIR, PJS, POINTLESS, POTLESS

Q- QUEENSLANDER

R- RELIC, RUNOUT, RICHTER, ROCKY

S- SHADOW, SPARE, SIMILAR, SCREAMER

T- TWOPOT SCREAMER, THREESOME

U- UNDER 19

V – VASELINE, VODKA

W – WEINSCHORLE, WAGON, W@NKERED

X – X-RATED

Y- YOUTH TEAMS, YOGHURT, YES NO WAIT SORRY TOO LATE

Z – ZEE GERMANS, ZUOZ