Heet di Rabbiche Tourneo, Italia 2005
Trentino Cup September 3-4 – 6aside tournament
TRENTINO CUP 2005
Ogni squadra è composta di sei giocatori
Gli innings delle partite del 1° turno sono di 6 overs, le semifinali e le finali 7°-8°, 5°-6° e 3°-4°
posto 8 overs, la finale 1° e 2° posto 10 overs
Gli innings di 6 overs devono essere giocati in 20 minuti, quelli di 8 overs in 30 minuti, quelli di 10 overs in
40 minuti. La squadra che dovesse eccedere tali limiti verrà penalizzata con 4 runs per ogni minuto in
eccesso (verranno attribuiti come extras nello scoresheet di battuta della squadra avversaria)
Tutti i fielders devono lanciare almeno un over, nessun fielder può lanciare più di due overs
I wides e i no balls costano 4 runs ma non devono essere ripetuti
I battitori devono lasciare il campo al raggiungimento del 25° run, non possono ritornare in campo
alla perdita del 5° wicket
“Last man stands”: alla caduta del 5° wicket l’ultimo battitore può continuare a battere con un
L’ultimo battitore può continuare a battere fino al raggiungimento del 25° run, poi deve lasciare il campo
e l’innings è così concluso
Il run up del bowler è limitato a 5 yards/4,5 metri, una linea sul campo contrassegnerà tale limite
In caso di parità punti al termine del primo turno la squadra che accederà alle semifinali verrà
stabilita mediante ricorso al bowl out
Il pareggio si ha in caso di parità di runs, il numero di wickets perduti non viene preso in considerazione
Se una finale o una semifinale termina in pareggio (stesso numero di runs) il vincitore verrà deciso
mediante ricorso al bowl out
LBW non è ammesso
Vengono assegnati 2 punti in caso di vittoria, 1 punto in caso di pareggio e 0 punti in caso di sconfitta
Le decisioni arbitrali sono definitive
Assembled Italian job cast
Desmondo Badly as El Presidente
Pablo Mcgree as Capitano Loco Cranki
Allesandro Gale as Alan, BDM
Gregori Holmes as Long John Sofa
Marco Lovelli as Leffe di Garda, Pinogrigio
Marco Palfrey as Cardinal Chunder
Ryandre Saling as di Americano
Danielo Sear as di Matrimonio, BDM
Oh what a lovely time we had the day we went to the Riviera.
The advanced party of Gale and Lovell were both forcibly kidnapped by the angry American and ordered to be ready for a pointless 7AM sparrow fart getaway to avoid the famous Friday trafficfest on the autostrada. Gale was sadly late on parade due to uncertainty as to which fashionable flowerpot to parade on the trip – after lengthy consultations with his milliner, he opted for a delightful pink female japanese pot..
The journey down itself was fine – although the driver (Mario Andretti?) did insist on playing with his PODS and thus nearly went into a spin on at least three occasions while trying to change the music on said PODS. Oh and not to mention his poxy navigator system, that continually gave directions the wrong way down one-way streets, or didn’t say anything at obscure intersections. Basics. Schoolboy. So not ready.
Saling Standards’ also meant of course that he was unwilling to stay in the farming village for the duration of the trip. On the plus side this did mean that the early advanced trio had ample time to enjoy a lovely day relaxing at the beach enjoying wind surfing, swimming and sampling the local culinary delights. There was even time for a shopping exurcsion for Lovell to seek out some sleek Italian football boots which would have fitted if it werent for his bunyons.
Later that evening after a well earnt siesta at the hotel pool, the obligatory fest di sausagio in Riva del Garda proved to be an exercise in Leffe – that evil king of Belgain beers. It proved too much for the assembled Englishmen (die blöde Engländer) as they were abruptly ushered to their hotel quarters by the friendly security guard who had just made them 2 sandwiches a piece on their long awaited return to the hotel. To be fair the sandwiches needed some ketchup and the bread itself was a tad stale – unlike the Leffe. The baldy security guard and impromptu boxing ref obviously wasnt impressed with Gales low and sloppy guard which meant that he soaked up too many cheap shots to the kidneys. This was confirmed at the next mornings weigh in at breakfast when Gale stated to his experienced corner and cuts man Saling that he had been p1ssing blood all evening.
Of course Saling spent the evening texting his bird and making long distance fone calls to Australia discussing the perilous state of the current Ashes series. So not ready. Saling did prove himself to be a dog lover that evening – the canine variety of course. He was seen stroking a pooch for about 25mins. Lovin it he was.
Meanwhile on the other side of the riviera keen upstanding model citizens Sear and Holmes made their way down in their own cars due to the pressures of having high profile jobs and actually having to do some work for a living. Poor b@stards. Later however having been deprived of so much QDT they then decided to attack the hotel bar with such a frenzy that the locals ran out of Grappa. Basics.
Larry Holmes later paid the price for the grappa indulgence, texting the skipper at 8am from the hotel lobby, the breakfast bench or sofa to be exact, to find out which room he was supposed to spend the next 45mins in before departing for the long awaiting thrash fest on the Saturday morning.
Big Dan Munich (BDM) apparently conducted himself well despite copious amounts of grappa. I put this down to him being very nervous due to his impending doom, sorry wedding next week to the beautiful Patricia. Buena Suerte Dan!!! Matrimonio. Esposo…si.
That leaves the senior members of the touring party. The Chairman in his luxury Merc with an all Australian back seat back door line up as passengers with skipper Mcgree and new tea boy Mark Palfrey. Palfrey possibly a little too keen to impress the selectors may have overdone the grappa too and was later nicknamed Cardinal Chunder for the rest of the tour. Welcome to the MCC, the team that loves to grapple. The Chairman was clearly a trifle unimpressed though by the new left hander’s obvious failure to bring a razor and thus christened him Crocodile Dundee by the end of the tour.
Mcgree spent the evening working out the tournament rules, stats and a game plan to take into the MCC 2ND Trentino cup appearance after the Italian Job of 2002. He mulled over his options in secretive mode.
So onto the cricket Saturday where MCC decided to meet up at the Mcdonalds in Trentino at 0945am to avoid getting lost en route to the ground. Unfortunately this being Italy with a typically relaxed attitude to work and actual working hours it didnt open till 11am so a former skipper was denied his early morning toilet trip. Such are the obstacles one has to overcome on tour.
Eventually we turned up at the ground to face the opening match versus the hosts Trentino CC. In a move stinking of cheap grappa the Aussie skipper (still sulking from Pontings run out at Trent Bridge) surprisingly dropped his Bothamesque all-rounder Lovell from the opening game. Favouring the addition of an extra bowler in the well endowed shape of Long John Holmes. Batting first MCC got off to a shaky start before Gale aided by Holmes pushed their score up to 75 off their allocation of 6. This seemed pretty much par for the course.
In reply Trentino seemed to be coasting before the skippers hunch to include Bambinos arm Holmes came to fruition. A miserly over from him and then the skipper and Trentino came down to the last ball needing 4 to win bowled by Mcgree. He removed the batsmans furniture and it was goodnight irena. Ciao..
The second game saw Lovell introduced as wicket keeper batsman in place of Saling, whose mouth had by that stage swollen up to freak proportions due a massive dip input around 1145am. MCC knocked up 98 with Lovell, Gale and Sear all going big. Indomita were never in the hunt in reply as MCC coasted to an easy win.
Mantua were next up and it was clear by this stage that they were ‘very keen to win’. Their supporters were even invading the pitch to celebrate the regular fall of wickets. This was a hint of things to come on Sunday but we shall save that for a rainy day.
There was of course time in between for Saling and Badly to be involved in an unsightly hit ball twice contraversy while both were umpiring another game. The duo handled the volatile situation though with the amplomb associated with such trustworthy characters.
Ultimately in the final group winner decider v Mantua, MCC conceded a bag full of runs and were left chasing around a 100 to win in 6overs. All of the bowlers took a real caning. The buffet bar opened its doors early with some nice tasty half vollies, full tosses and cream puffs all on display. However the Sceptic Saling did celebrate his first ever wicket so all credit to him. Left arm darts a la Tuffers.
In reply Sear went big aided by Alan Gale but it was never going to be enough. But by this stage MCC had of course done enough to qualify for the next days semis by finishing second in the group. So it was a contented group of hot and sticky players by the end of first days play at Trentino.
Soon after though the skipper Mcgree turned and got cranky apparently due to a low food intake in the previous 24hours. This meant the team were forced to walk around Trentino’s main square and cobbled side roads in search of a suitable meal for the skipper. They had hoped to watch England v Wales WC qualifier but this option was cruelly denied them by the recent but obviously long overdue closure of Trentino’s only Irish bar with Sky Sports TV.
In the end we returned to the hotel after a brief food and watering session and went our seperate ways for a few moments, some even managed to watch the end of the football. Saling went to the land of nod and never returned. 1hit wonder. Shadow. Word.
Gale and Palfrey showed impressive early form which was to continue to the end of tour. Badly was a solid influence as usual despite wearing a massive black wife beater singlet with stains.
We met up later for the long awaited tournament meal by walking a couple of clicks from the digs to the restaurant in Caldanazzo. Rumblings from the hosts that it was far too cold to sit outside were met with scorn from the hardened kraut tourists who scoffed at this soft idea. Slowly the locals warmed and seated themselves outside too. An hour later when most were already tucking into their delicious meals there were massive rumblings from the sky and it positively p1ssed down, a massive electrical storm meant the proceedings were taken indoors for safety reasons.
A good time was had by all wíth the local Ranatungas providing some extra help in the form of whisky and Gordon Greenidge. Great food of course as usual washed down with some nice local vino.
Gale did his best to impress a senorina with Holmes’ Italian phrase book. No mention of cutting Pakistani opposition grass at this juncture. The Chairman did insist though on singing Dads Army songs at the dinner table (who do you think you are kidding Mr Hitler etc….) which was quite interesting as we were actually sat with the Axis powers at the time. Bizarro.
A spot of table football rounded off the sporting pursuits before the tourists returned to the hotel for a night cap. Sadly curtailed by the lazy bar stewards at the hotel insisting on calling it a day at 2am. Lightweights.
Thanks to Holmes though for donating a bottle of his future wifes wine to thirsty tourists, Palfrey and Lovell. Holmes is really coming on as an individual in my opinion. By this stage Lovell was trying to organise a 3am Betfair seminar on the hotel roof which woke up a few light sleeping individuals. It was agreed, mostly by Palfrey, that the Kiwis were a very fair price to win the 2007 WC.
Celebrate but move on. And we did.
MCC turned up after breakfast at the ground expecting an early semi final. OOPS. Rain had delayed events and games had to be put back. The unexpected delay was passed with the usual activities. Card schools, sleep and visits to the tennis club to try and spot some jailbait. Very successful. Apparently the Chairman is aware that he has to follow suit in 500 and the skipper does not peak at opposition cards. And of course we believe them both.
In the semi MCC lined up versus the Pakistanis from (Padova???). MCC lost the toss again and fielded. Despite a fine stumping by Lovell off Gale and a couple of quick wickets from Palfrey (who found himself on a hat-trick) the horse had already bolted and they knocked up 96 in their 8 overs.
MCC lost the groom Sear early but Gale and Lovell had knocked off over half of the runs after 4 overs and MCC looked in with a sniff. But they slowed slightly in the searing heat as their opponents started bowling around the wicket yorkers and despite a few lusty blows just missed out.
A pity really as the fun was just starting. This involved a near pitch riot in the other semi as the MCC were in between innnings in theirs. Suffice to say toys were thrown out of both sides prams. All over a disputed no ball call with the result in the balance. In the end Kofi Annan was called in to try for peace and the sides (after about an hour of near fisticuffs and heated gesticulations) had agreed to a bowl out which Mantua won v Kings Milan. What Ricky Ponting would have thought about this spirit of cricket I just dont know.
In the end MCC made a reasonably quick getaway but after thanking the organisatorio legend that is Guido Ronconi agreed to meet up for a nosebag somewhere in Austria. Sear was last man to show as he had to stop for a kip on the autostrada. Görgl I think was the food location. Tasty food. Saling spoilt it though by talking about snarling dragons and the dirty Sanchez. Zipferl.
And so that’s basically it as we returned to our Sunday sacks a tired but bronzed bunch. MCC looks forward to the next instalment… HEET DI RUBBICHE TOURNEO 2006.
MCC MAN DI TOURNEO – Alan – Allesandro